“Look, Mrs. Crimson Reporter, it was really just about safety. Playing at Fenway kept us safe this year against Yale,” said Senior linebacker Crawdad Toof. Once again I had to remind him that I am a man and that I was, “Over here,” to which he replied, “Oh thank you, thank you. I just gotta lie down for a second.” Toof was asleep within seconds.
Harvard’s administration claims to understand the student body’s disappointment with the decision to move Harvard-Yale to Fenway, but at the end of the day they need to, “Look out for Student Athlete’s Safety, and prevent a good tailgate from happening at all costs.”
“Can’t get CTE in a baseball stadium, ma’am,” Crawdad said smiling, looking blankly off into the distance. You sure can’t Crawdad. You sure can’t.