“Wow, This is Kinda Like Harry Potter!” Says Freshman in Annenberg with Dead Parents

ANNENBERG TABLE B7 - Eyewitness reports from Annenberg Hall on Thursday state that known orphan Henry Carpenter ‘22 has gone on record saying, “Wow, This is Kinda Like Harry Potter!” after observing the interior of the freshman dining hall.

When asked for comment, Carpenter’s roommate Andrew Gibson ‘22 responded: “Yeah, his mother passed away in child birth and then his dad actually lost his life a few years later in a crash. He was mostly raised by his grandma. She’s a really sweet person. He doesn’t talk about his past too much.”

“One time in the past, I squirted some ketchup in the shape of a scar on my forehead while eating my favorite hot dog.” Henry recounted shouting out, “Wowie! I’m like The Boy Who Lived, huh, dad?!” to an empty house.

According to eyewitness reports, Carpenter regularly sits at table B7 among friends from his entryway. “My friend Jeff is like Ron. He has so many siblings. My friend Melissa is like Hermione because she is our friend who is a girl. Tom is kind of the leader of the group, so he gets to be Harry. I sit at the end of the table.”

Gibson suddenly breaks off stares into the distance. “He does like to talk about how the Annenberg chairs are like broomsticks though, which, I have to admit, actually makes a lot of sense.”

Comments

  • I can't believe that “Wow, This is Kinda Like Harry Potter!” Says Freshman in Annenberg with Dead Parents!!!

  • Da Lorax, you are such a brilliant writer.