Unless we, as individuals, take steps to make space for others, every single one of us will continue to feel unsupported, burdened, and alone. This is a recipe for disaster for a stressed-out college student, and a nightmare for those of us trying to have peaceful, private sex with my Dad.
I’m a normal guy: 5’8, Caucasian, right-handed. I enjoyed my freshman fall. I lived in Grays Middle, Suite 43, with my four normal roommates: Mike, Shane, Tom, and Frankle. I had the single last semester. I could do whatever I wanted: read books, have sex with my dad, and practice my typing. This semester, however, I have a huge problem: I’m living in the double with Tom, and consequently, fucking my dad is off the table, at least like 55% of the time.
This is fine, I’ve been to sleepaway camp, I know how to live on my own. It’s just…. Harvard is such a wealthy school. They have the resources to fund a football team, Boston Calling, three archery camps, and the second world war, yet the University can’t afford to grant each student the privilege of living in a single?
Harvard’s gratuitous misuse of funds is one thing, but the lack of a social space on campus for me and my dad to bone is an abomination the likes of the holocaust (the nazi one) or the Black Dahlia murder. We have Room 13 for gypsy kids or whatever the fuck, yet we don’t have Room 96 for me to rub my butt on the small of my father’s back?
Despite my qualms with the University’s financial priorities, I do intend to keep having sex with my dad on campus until I come or graduate — whichever happens first. I love to fuck, and I’m in an environment where I have the opportunity to fuck thirty feet from some of the best professors in the world, so I won’t let fear of Tom hearing me and my dad’s sweaty kisses keep me from getting my nut on. I hope that those of you reading this will continue to have sex with your Dad’s in your respective singles, but remember: don’t take a moment of it for granted. Perhaps with enough demand, the culture can change. Until then, I’ll be behind the MAC, fingering my Pops.