Fuck It: Shopping Month

“Oooooh boo hoo I’m a frail little undergrad and I can’t decide what classes I want! How will I shape my education? So many choices!” Shut the fuck up.

A message from Dean Khurana:

“Oooooh boo hoo I’m a frail little undergrad and I can’t decide what classes I want! How will I shape my education? So many choices!” Shut the fuck up.“Oooooh boo hoo I’m a frail little undergrad and I can’t decide what classes I want! How will I shape my education? So many choices!” Shut the fuck up. Do you know what you sound like? Take the whole fucking month to pick your classes if you want to. It doesn’t matter what you take. The only letters we are able to print on transcripts are ‘A’ and ‘-’ anyway. Actually, you know what, fuck it. This is what’s happening now. Shopping month. Happy now?

Do you know how many kids we could’ve accepted to this school who would’ve just picked their classes without throwing a goddamn hissy fit? All of those kids go to Oberlin now. Enjoy your month of watching 8 different pre-taped lectures only to settle on a class where a 70-year-old man skypes in every week to talk about his car.

Are you happy now? Or are you depressed? Am I making you depressed? I hope to fucking god that you’re depressed. Here, have a temper-fucking-pedic mattress. Have two. Fuck it, here’s a diploma. You have a diploma I swear to God. You’re done get out. Get off the campus. You’re a Harvard grad.

If you have any complaints, here’s how you can find my suggestion box: Go fuck yourself. I don’t work for suggestions. I work for $509,000 / yr.

Comments

  • I can't believe that Fuck It: Shopping Month!!!

  • 5-Alarm Cilli, you are such a brilliant writer.