In a stunning revelation of the deep roots of racism in Harvard’s most cherished institutions, the all-lady Bee Club has been discovered to be the namesake of decorated Confederate Army General Robert E. Bee. “Wait, what?” Bee President Suzy V. Aporub ‘22 feigned when asked about the controversy. “That doesn’t sound right. The Bee was staunchly neutral in the War of Northern Aggression.” The news comes shortly after the problematic discovery that Harvard freshman dormitory Greenough was named after “Greenough Hitler,” and a recent Boston Globe report that “every member of the A.D. ever, without exception, was a racist.” “This sure explains a lot about why my family was so excited when I joined the club,” said Mary-Kate Johnson ‘22, member of the Bee and current president of the Georgia Club at Harvard. When asked for further comment, Mary-Kate replied that she did not know for certain what this would mean for her future in the club. “Yea, you think you know what an animal stands for. And then one day you find out it commanded the entire Confederate South in battle,” said Hannah Farris ‘23. “Walking down the street, people think they know everything about you, but they don’t. They don’t. And I mean, seriously, it’s not like we named ourselves after ISIS,” said Farris, clearly referencing the all women’s club, The IC, formerly known as the Islamic State of Iraq and Strauss. The Harvard Crimson reached out to renowned historian, Walter Johnson, Harvard professor of 19th century American history for comment, and he had the following to say on the topic: “I’m sorry, ‘bees?’” These are clearly very difficult times at Harvard, as many organizations are navigating new awareness around previously unquestioned traditions. And although General Bee may not have ever been on record as a member of the Bee Club, he did personally oversee the executions of over 360,000 Union soldiers in the Civil War, so keep that in mind when choosing where to punch this Fall.
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