Acknowledging Need for Change, Harvard Faculty Deans Change Name to "Washington Redskins"

By Clint Boof, Last of the Boofs

Oh the times, they are a-changing. In 2016, the Harvard House Masters changed their titles to “Faculty Deans” in order to avoid language that carries connotations to slavery. But this wasn’t enough. “Dean” happens to be the first name of Dean Wilmington (1896-1978), an Army horse doctor turned Nazi defector who betrayed dozens of American horses months after World War II. He died in 1978, but the fascist legacy lives on in his name, and now the name of the Harvard Faculty “Deans.” But no more. The Faculty Deans have congregated, and in a somewhat overdue (in our expert opinion) move, decided to pivot towards a completely neutral, unimposing title that reflects our modern sensibilities. “It’s time that we recognize how the language used in our institutions can offend people,” said Danoff Dean of Harvard College Rakesh Khurana while working on a tricky jigsaw puzzle. “That’s why we are rebranding the Faculty Deans as the Washington Redskins, a name that better reflects the nature of the role and the values of Harvard College.” However, this move was not without controversy. Some disagree with the name “W*sh*ngt*n Redskins” because of the football team that once shared the name, as football is a dangerous sport known to cause lasting health problems. Others find the name problematic due to its reference to Washington D.C., the city in which the Fugitive Slave Act of 1850 was written and passed. “Ultimately, we think that the Washington R******s is a name that fits Harvard’s standards of excellence, but we also recognize that there is always room to grow,” offered Khurana, enjoying a single scoop of plain vanilla ice cream after finishing his puzzle. “If we deem it necessary, we can re-name the role again – the Cleveland Indians is one alternative we have been considering.”

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