I Know It might Be Tasteless, But I Don’t Think Bon Lee The Leverett ID Swiper Lady Is Famous Enough To Speak At Commencement This Year

By Ron Ball, Inspiring Athlete

I know this is going to get me a ton of hate, and I’m still getting pushback from my last Op-Ed asking the Spee girls to shower, but I just gotta say this. Bon Lee, the card-swiper lady from Leverett Dining Hall, simply should not be the speaker at this year’s commencement. A few years ago, the commencement speaker was Angela fucking Merkel. The woman who liberated East Germany. And this year it’s Bon Lee!? Seriously? I’m sorry but my undergrad experience was already all kinds of fucked up by the coronavirus and those prostate tumors and I’m not itching to get lectured at by the woman who beat me with a nightstick for trying to sneak into Lev Community Night. Why can’t Harvard attract big names anymore? Yale got the Spare Change News guy for commencement and my friends at Princeton tell me there are rumors John from Annenberg is going to speak at theirs. Those are actual big names. I’m sorry, but Bon Lee just isn’t a household name after all of her scenes were cut from the Ghostbusters reboot. Anyway, I acknowledge that our nation owes Bon Lee a huge debt of gratitude for her 3 tours of duty in Vietnam. She did what she had to do to keep Ho Chi Minh safe. But that doesn’t mean she should get to speak at commencement. I dunno. That’s just me.

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