BREAKING: There's Gombe a Chimpanzee War

By Drong Storm of Thunder: Ron Paul Supporter, Rand Paul Denier

Damn Chimps don’t wanna be kept back no more. Chimps gonna fight back eventually. There’s gombe a Chimpanzee War one of these days and erry’body best be listening to my advice. Mah Paw was a Jungle Cat, carried two guns to work and emptied his cartridges by the time he got there. He taught me a thing or two about Chimps. You see, Chimps are four times as smart as the normal man. They five times smarter than a dog. They don’t like working in our circuses, having to dance around our zoos. No, the Chimps is gonna rise up and they gombe a problem for our army. Picture this: two hundred million billion chimpanzees in the white house. They kill the President. They poop in the Oral Office. They take the governor of Texas and they spill his beans all over the Navy’s flag. I’m not saying this is exactly what’s going to happen, but there’s definitely gombe a chimpanzee war. You can stop it by taking off your shoes and socks and starting to pick stuff up with your feet. If your feet are your hands, you’re thinking like a Chimp. Once we’re all thinking like Chimps...Well then, we just might win this war you here me?

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