“Oh my god, so funny seeing you in 3D!” joked Harvard Sophomore Sammy Kilgore ‘24, who was in your Expos20 section last year, when he ran into you outside the dining hall. “Man, I guess this is the part where we meet all our Zoom classmates in person,” he smiled, picturing what you might look like tied up to his XL collapsible bondage board. “You’re like, super tall,” he added with a chuckle. This would have been helpful to know, geometrically, when he was making that video-montage of you smelling his feet from inside a kennel-adjustable puppy cage. But, hey, at least he’d managed to cum all over a printout of your face regardless. “Let’s grab lunch sometime,” Sammy concluded, reminiscing about the cum. Before he could give you his number, he was distracted by the sight of HUDS’ Tomato and Basil Soup being carted away, and ran to get himself some of that good soup.
Want to keep up with breaking news? Subscribe to our email newsletter.