Here's How David Kane Can Redeem Himself (Hint: It's a Funny Vest)

By Westby Ghostboy, Actual Murderer

The Harvard Public Opinion Project has released some very interesting survey data at the start of this September. In their annual polling of youth age 18-24, they found approximately 76% of respondents said “yea, sure,” when asked whether it would help to improve Harvard Preceptor David Kane’s image if he were to put on a funny vest. The undergraduate community is still reeling from the discovery of David Kane’s blog posts, in which he questioned the validity of affirmative action programs in colleges. But the vast majority are ready to turn the page and do some healing if Kane can swallow his pride and return to campus wearing something that could make us laugh while saying “wow! There are no arms on that shirt he put on top of his other shirt.” What would the vest look like? Would it say funny words on it like “this is my hat” or would it have glitter and buttons on it so as to make the wearer so silly-looking that onlookers would have no choice but to completely forget about any offensive past commentary whatsoever? The Crimson does not know the answer to this specific query; that of course, is up to Kane. This survey comes soon after former Winthrop Dean Ron G. Sullivan managed to rehabilitate his image in the eyes of campus activists after strutting around the Yard in a sparkly pair of six-inch stilettos. In similar news, Charles Lieber, former chair of the Chemistry Department arrested for allegedly sharing American academic research with China was recently acquitted of all charges after showing up to a preliminary hearing wearing an “Kill Me I’m Irish” shirt. Only time will tell whether Kane is to follow in the steps of the now-redeemed Lieber and Sullivan. But for now, let’s hope that Kane is visiting a nearby Brooks Brothers and trying on something… different.

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