What if the Worst People You Know Got Together and Made an Instagram? Diving Deep into the Essentials of FIG Magazine

By Andy Dick Wang, Crimson Fuckboy

It was fashion at first sight when the founder of FIG magazine watched former Lowell Faculty Dean Diana Eck hack up a hairball of rat fur and twine in the gutter outside the Carpenter Center. “That’s so good. That works on so many levels,” said Oddya Marquez ‘22. “This gives me an idea to waste not only my own time creating nonsensical fashion goop, but the time of quite a few other international students.” Thus, FIG was born. In a later feature, the wet ball was carefully scooped up with a shovel, painted lime green, and presented alongside a Puritan shoe-buckle hat and leopard-print G-string thong. In an interview early last week, senior Malia Keezer ‘23 recalled the excitement of her first FIG photoshoot. “They made me extremely uncomfortable,” she said. “I was scared that photography this bad would get Instagram shut down.” FIG, which stands for Fuck-it, I Guess is the predominant and only fashion magazine at Harvard, a college whose students are known for being wealthy enough to purchase literally any piece of clothing. “Nobody would choose to dress that badly,” commented Jay Fook ‘23. “Are they being punished for something?” “I wasn’t really cool in high school,” recounted an executive FIG member, filming herself doing yoga in a clerical collar and swim flippers. “But now I’m in FIG. And well, that’s something.”

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