No A Capella Shows for a Full Year? Seeing the Upside in a Pandemic that left 60,000 Americans Dead

By Walt Netflix, Prezident

Listen, I’m a glass half full kind of guy. This coronavirus thing has been pretty bad, sure, but at least I haven’t had to sit through a single goddamn a capella show in the last 18 months. Man, those shows are unbearable. I’m not sure how many more times I can listen to The Little Mermaid medley before I blow my brains out. I get that the pandemic has taken countless lives, fully disrupted our economy, yadda yadda yadda, but it’s pretty fortunate that I haven’t been subjected to yet another endless beatboxing solo, and likely will not be any time soon. I mean, if this pandemic could cancel these upcoming Back to School live shows as well, that would be great. I don’t even want to go to a cappella shows. I’ll be walking to Annenberg or something, a big crowd will gather, and I’ll get shuffled into some singing hall and be subjected to like fourteen different Sondheim covers until I’m able to fake a kidney stone and get out of there. Is it bad that I’m essentially rooting for COVID at this point? I don’t think I can go back to another a capella “concert” in Sanders Theater, and if a pandemic is what it takes to prevent that, then so be it. Also if the pandemic could kill my proctor I’d like that.

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