I'm Not Sure What to Do About the Taliban. I'm Actually Not Even Sure Where Talibania Is

By Chuck Zoo, Dishonor Student

After twenty years of Biden waging war against the Taliban, I have mixed and oddly personal feelings about the American post-withdrawal plans. Having spent more than two trillion dollars attempting to defeat the Taliban, it seems absurd for them to have met with so little success. I have complete respect for our armed forces, and I’m sure they know much more about the war than I do. I don’t even know where Talibania is, and I certainly don’t know what I’d do if I found it. If you ask me, we should leave the Talibanians to run their country by themselves. Listen, I’ve now been looking at the jumbo world map for twenty minutes and haven’t gotten past the sea monster drawings in the blue part.. How can we expect our brave boys in uniform to defeat these scoundrels if they can’t even find them? Sun-Tzu famously said that “Penguin Random House all rights reserved” in the inside flap of my copy of The Art of War. He also said “all warfare is based on deception,” and I can think of no greater deception than hiding their entire country from the watchful eyes of myself and the entire Op-Ed fact check team. Fuck it, let’s put them on ice.

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