Word to the Wise: Crying Will Undo Your Housing Assignment

Don’t wipe those tears away just yet: The Flyby inside scoop indicates that crying undoes your housing assignment.

If you cry very hard and are very sad, then the Residential Life Office will feel bad. “Oh, wait! There’s been a mistake,” they’ll say. “We didn’t mean to put you in Pfoho. Here, have a room in Lowell. There, there. Would you like a lolly?”

Experts agree that this strategy has worked every time that someone has wanted things to go their way. One expert even shared that he got his PhD in psychology purely by whining about his poor grades. He shares he wouldn’t have had the convenience of going to the Psych Center to whine about those grades if he had not cried about being quadded, and got placed in Lowell.

“So, expertifically speaking, crying is the solution to everything,” he said.

Some skeptics say that crying is useless and unhelpful, so we asked the expert about that.

“Shut up, those guys are meanies. Oh, boo-hoo!” He began to cry and cry until suddenly no one disagreed with him. Wow! You’re welcome for this life hack. Until next time.