The New River Run? Freshman Hoping to Live in a Pancake Restaurant Blacks Out in IHOP

Many freshmen dream of living in a river house, but Flapjack K. Buttersworth ‘27 had other aspirations for Housing Day. Buttersworth gave Flyby the inside scoop on his uncommon routine to appease the Housing Gods: Taking 15 shots in every pancake restaurant on Eliot Street.

“Every morning I wake up and wonder, why—why can’t I live in a pancake restaurant,” he shared. “I could eat pancakes every morning without having to leave my bed. And lunch and dinner. And all the staff would have to be my friends.”

His face lit up just thinking about living in IHOP. The smile faded quickly as he remembered his current housing situation in Holworthy—the furthest dorm from a pancake restaurant. “It makes me so sad. The only way to cope is to drink the pain away at 9AM in the far booth.”

We were curious to learn how Buttersworth came up with this tradition. Did he adopt it from River Run?

“Honestly, no. I just was so fucking sad and depressed and I wanted to end it all because I don’t live in a pancake restaurant.”