More Singles, More Sex? No, At Least Not In My Experience.

When confronted with a sea of 6/10s knocking on my door last Housing Day, I was suspicious. These people are having sex just because they live in 50 square foot closets? Yeah right, I thought.

But I was still hopeful moving into Mather this fall. Between studying computer science and playing video games 8 hours a day, maybe I would finally have some time to lose my virginity. Turns out: nope!

Mather has way less sex than I thought, and a lot more staring into the void. Sometimes I’ll sit in the d-hall and just gaze at this one concrete wall and hate myself. I’m still thinking about sex the whole time though.

Some people call my celibacy “involuntary.” I agree with them. I would like to have sex. Just once. Just to see what it’s like. Please. One time, I matched with a girl on Tinder and she unmatched me after she realized we’re both in Mather.

Next housing day, I will do better. I will not promise that more singles means more sex. Instead, I will promise that more singles probably means the same amount of sex.