Kirkland Residents Vote to Tear Down Walls, Live Communally in One 364-tuple

Move over, extra rooms! At Kirkland House, N-363 is the new N+1.

The communal living dream was actually borne out of a nightmare. “Whenever I have a scary dream, I’ll usually just wake up one of my neighbors, and they’ll tell me everything’s alright,” explained senior Aaron Mathis. “It was after the third time I did this this week—when I’d had a nightmare about being lost in a strange and foreign land, like Eliot—and I once again saw the entirety of the house also in the bed, that I thought, ‘What if there’s a better way to do this?’”

Mathis proposed the motion at Tuesday’s HoCo meeting, where it was unanimously passed alongside a motion to institute the motto “Sharing is caring,” a motion to amend the motto to “Sharing is caring in Kirkland House,” and a motion to amend the motto again to “Sharing is caring in Kirkland House and in everywhere because a Kirklandian is forever,” as well as an additional motion that was unsubstantive but which reaffirmed each Kirkland resident’s support and love for their housemates.

Many Kirklandians are excited about the opportunities the new arrangement will bring. “I really start to miss my fellow Kirklandians when I only get to see them at breakfast, lunch, intramurals, choosenings, mandatory house-wide study breaks, optional house-wide study breaks, morning group bonding sessions, evening group bonding sessions, our nightly communal bedtime story, the entirety of both summer and winter breaks when we go on vacation together, and dinner,” said sophomore Mimi Sandberg, in unison with her 7 blockmates and 356 honorary blockmates. “Finally, I’ll get the chance to spend some quality time with these people.”